Kyle's Story!
THE INVASION OF THE
BAKE-BEAN MONSTERS
By Kyle Bassett, 2001
This story was made to be funny, not to offend people. This story might offend some people, but
that wasn't my aim. I tried to write a
fun story, taking the names of my friends and putting them in roles they
wouldn't like. Again, don't feel
offended. Especially Mel, Matilda,
Leigh, Richard, Rachel and Eric, this was not a personal crack at you, but you
got these roles because there was no one else, or your suited that role more.
James lifted one of the boxes up, carried them over to the
shelf. He gently lowered the box and wiped
the sweet off his brow. The packager
started lifting the cans out of the box, and put them on the shelf. As James walked back to get the next box,
his mate Bobby walked up.
"We've
got a problem in the fridge."
Bobby informed him.
"Huh? What's the
matter?" James asked
distantly. James hated this work,
filling shelves with cans, and managing the massive fridge of the supermarket. The fridge was James's responsibility, and
if he did not fix every problem, the cans would not get on the shelves, the
meat would not get into the displays, he would probably be fired, and the
supermarket would stop functioning. It
was up to him to make sure the shelf packers did not slacken off, or put cans
in the wrong place.
"What seems to be wrong?" James asked Bobby as they walked into the supermarket's walk in
freezer. Bobby pointed to a pile of
cans in one of the mini freezers.
"So? Put them on the shelf." James ordered. "What' in them?"
"I don'
know. They ain't got no labels or
tags." Bobby replied.
James picked
up one of the cans. "We don't know
what's in 'em, so lets shove them on the shelf, and put them on special so they
sell fast."
Bobby looked
confused. "Nah. Let's find out what's in them first."
"Scrap that." James said.
"This is weird anyway. We
never get cans in the freezer."
James had a look at the cans.
"They
look pretty old, don't they?"
Bobby asked.
The cans had
no rip-off lid, they looked old, and one had some rust around the sides.
"If the
supervisor sees this, he'll think these have been in here for ages! You'll get the chop! We've got to get rid of the cans!" Bobby told James.
"Quick! Let's get some Baked Beans wrappers, glue
them on, and sell these cans for 99c each!" James exclaimed.
"What?!? Do you want to get me fired?" Yelled Bobby angrily.
However,
James was already looking for the baked beans wrappers, and Bobby sighed to
himself. James always seemed to be
making trouble!
Kathryn went to work at checkout 5,
this one was her favorite checkout because it got less customers through, so
she didn't have to do as much work.
Suddenly she saw someone she knew walking down the aisle, with a can of
baked beans in his trolley that she knew she had seen before. Did she see him on TV perhaps?
"That
will come to, ahh, $23.75, thanks."
She told Tahi nervously.
As the man
paid and left, Amy breathed a sigh of relief.
She put her almost freak attack down to last night's hangover and her
large imagination.
"OK,
lets grab some camp food and get outta here." Richard told his brother.
Leigh grabbed
some long life milk and threw it into the trolley, while Richard picked up some
bacon and eggs, then saw some real cheep baked beans.
"Leigh,
da' ya think baked beans would be good?"
He yelled.
"Yep. As long as we don't smell the place out, and
the sniffer dogs get us." Leigh
yelled back. "Yeah, cool, only 99
cents!"
He gave an
innocent smile to the passersby.
One of the people in the supermarket
was none other then Mr. Steve Vence.
Steve Vence was a politician with an illustrious career, including a
place in the Senate, ten years as minister or shadow minister of education, and
one of the forerunners as the next Prime Minister of Tasmania. His passions included politics, footy,
soccer, and well, baked beans. He never
ate baked beans when he was required in Parliament, in case he let one rip, but
in his private life, he ate them by the truckload. He grabbed five cans, and continued with his shopping, happy at
the cheep price.
"Hello,
welcome to Woolworths." She said
politely, trying not to show the uneasiness she felt in her gut.
"Would
you like to pay by cash or credit?"
She asked the man.
"Credit
will be fine."
She took a
peak at the credit card, just to find out who this dude was.
"Oh,
hello Mr. Warne. Stocking up on your
baked beans?"
Shane Warne
let out a laugh. "Yeah. After eating baked beans for a month in
India, it's kinda hard to stop eating them."
"Yuck. What does your wife think?" Kathryn inquired.
"She
wouldn't know. I'm on tour a lot
anyway."
Warne walked
away, shaking his bottom all the way out of the store.
"I
thought these cans came with more modern opening things these days, don't they Matilda?" The old man said to his wife, pointing to
can of baked beans without a rip top lid.
"Yes. What has become of our society? You actually need on of those new thangled
electric can opener things for these cans, don't you Andrew dear?"
Larnelle sighed. Dealing
with all these people was so annoying! Oh well, as long the pay was good and it
kept him saving for university he would put up with anything. He swiped the can the old couple were
talking about, and something about it puzzled him. He shook it, just for curiosity.
It sounded
like it was half full of soup, diluted with water.
"Hmm,
that's funny. I didn't know baked beans
made a sound like water when shook!"
He thought.
Without
giving it much thought, he continued putting the groceries through, not
expecting what was about to happen.
"What's
the matter?" Leigh asked. "Are the cops onto us?"
Jesse knew
that his job was one of high risk, being the deliverer of bad news to such
dangerous criminals could backfire. He
was always careful to underestimate the news.
"Cops, everywhere! But they're not after you. A big accident happened outside. Apparently a few people died. You'd better get outta here soon." Jesse stuttered, out of breath.
"You
annoy us for that? Why do we employ you anyway?" Richard exclaimed.
"He's
right. We'll go now." Leigh decided.
Leigh was the more careful of the brothers. He liked keeping out of trouble and using
their vast fortune to pay their way out of all trouble. He would happily retire if their income
wasn't over 200 million a year. Richard
was almost the opposite. He loved
getting into the thick of things, and especially didn't see the need for paid
spies, gunmen, or hit men. He was also
money consciences, and even though they had over 800 million scattered around a
number of false bank accounts, he preferred killing off older servants instead
of paying up a measly few million for there services.
The powerful crime figures all suddenly stopped. Leigh peered into the trolley, and started
moving items around. He lifted a loaf
of bread, and under it was a most unusual sight.
"Hey, look at that!" Jesse exclaimed in awe.
"Wow! I don't think we put that in the trolley."
Richard commented, pointing at a strange thing, which looked almost as
if it had hundreds of limbs sticking out, it looked slightly outlandish and
almost alien-like. It was covered in a
gooey, slimy substance, but luckily it was in a plastic bag somewhat like glad
wrap.
"What do we do with
it?" Jesse asked.
"Why do
we need you, Jesse? Why don't you use
your brain for once in your life?"
Richard complained. "I'll
show you what to do." Richard
reached into the trolley, picked up the weird package, and stuffed it into the
paper bag that the bacon was in. He
then very courteously wiped his hands on Jesse's back.
"Hmm. Maybe you are useful after all." Richard told him.
"Hello, could we have service
please?" Her next customer
complained.
"Oh
Yikes!" She thought. "These two people look a lot like the
Woolfe twins! What do I do?"
As she
started putting the items through, she grew totally sure these people were the
same as she had seen on crimestoppers.
"You
look familiar." She told
them. "Have I seen you before?"
"Um,
well, ah. I don't think you um.. look familiar." The taller one stuttered.
"Lots of people say that to us."
The younger one quickly came to his tongue-tided brothers' defense.
Amy was about to pursue the matter further when a sudden crash and
crashing of cans and other noises burst out of the supermarket. Amy looked over at the scene, but Leigh and
Richard, being professional thieves before rising to greater heights, knew
opportunities when they them. They
started running with the trolley. They
were almost out of the supermarket complex by the time Amy realized they had
done a runner.
Amy, Kathryn, and Larnelle arrived
at the scene simultaneously. There was
a great pile of cans next to where the aisle had feel.
"Someone
could be under there!" Larnelle
exclaimed.
Already someone was screaming from under the cans. Someone was digging after the pained
voice. All of a sudden the situation
became too much for Kathryn, who sat down and cried. With a pile of cans on the ground trapping someone beneath them
and the weird events of the day already, this was not the perfect time for a
power failure.
The lights started flickering above Kyle's head, then they totally
went out. Kyle was an old, retired
Vietnam Veteran, around 50 years old, but still had the body of a
forty-year-old. He had suffered a major
injury in the war, so he walked with a slight limp. He still liked training, however, and spent some of his time
keeping fit. He was one of the most
promising soldiers of his day, but returned from Vietnam injured and
useless. He had been a crack shot and a
cool head before a major battle protecting the village of Aroha, in central
Vietnam. He still enjoyed his life,
liked getting out and doing things, and was putting together a video to try out
for the Australian Survivor.
As he walked into the supermarket complex, he found all the lights
turned off. But there was certainly a
lot of noise coming out of the supermarket.
His military training started to kick in, and he ran into the building,
where he found all the people crowded around what appeared to be an
accident. Cans were thrown all over the
floor, there was a pile were people were slowly picking up the cans, as if
looking for something. People were
crying, a body was lying on the ground with a woman weeping uncontrollably on
top of it, and everyone seemed to be on their mobile phone, ringing the police.
Chaos reigned. Kyle saw
people bump into each other in panic.
Of course, the dark didn't help.
He realized they needed to find anyone under all that mess soon if the
were going to live. Kyle went up to a
crying shopping assistant.
"Do you
have any flashlights?" Kyle asked.
"Ye-yeah. Just on the shelf under the
cashier." She replied.
Kyle found that every checkout had a torch, so he grabbed them
all, and started to hand them out to the people who looked organized. Already a body, badly bruised and covered in
what was canned spaghetti, was being pulled out.
"It's Steve Vence!" Exclaimed Kathryn.
"He's
dead!" Someone else added, with
his hand on the politician's pulse.
"Well, it was Steve Vence."
Larnelle noted, looking at Steve's bruised and battered body.
"How did
this happen?" Kyle asked, his
military training programming him to be unemotional.
Seeing nobody
seemed to answer, he started looking himself for clues.
"That checkout chick surely saw you. I think we should go in there and get
her." Jesse explained. "There was a power failure as we left,
and there was a big accident when we did a runner. There will be panic in there, so no one will notice her gone."
"Dude, don't you think that's a
bit risky?" Leigh questioned.
"Nah
man. This kid has some talent. Lets go." Richard agreed, lifting the floor of the Tarago's boot up, and
revealing a layer of semi automatic machine guns, that the twins kept for
emergencies like this.
"You
guys gonna come?" He asked.
"No way! This is stupid! Let the girl go!"
Leigh exclaimed. "The
police will be in there soon. We will
be caught!"
But his
protests went unnoticed. Richard and
Jesse were already shoving the machine guns down their backs between their
shoulder blades, and tying rounds of ammo around their waists.
Kathryn and Larnelle both were
convinced it was doomsday. They
discussed the weird events of the day, of the cans that seemed alive, of Shane
Warne's appearance, and Amy thinking she had seen the Woolfe twins.
Larnelle was convinced there was
something suspicious in those cans of baked beans. His theory made the girls laugh, but he seemed pretty serious
about it, so the girls agreed they should open a can, just to find out what was
in there. Larnelle picked up a can of
baked beans, and ripped the top off.
Out fell baked beans in a river of tomato sauce.
"Great. There are over ten brands of baked beans in
the supermarket," Larnelle sighed.
"We don't have the right to open them all."
"Could
you find out on the computer what type of baked beans was brought the
most?" Asked Amy.
"Sure,
but it's totally against company policy to look into what has been brought by
certain customers." Larnelle
pointed out. But anyway, it's worth a
try."
Larnelle was disappointed to find
the computers were offline because of the power failure.
"Darn! Now what?" He exclaimed.
"Maybe
we should just open all the cans."
Kathryn suggested.
The three of
them got to opening all the cans they could find, ripping the tops off.
Leigh, Richard, and Jesse sneaked
through the only entrance they could find, through the bakery. Richard and Jesse were quite happy with this
plan, Richards's gun had a telescopic view, and so all they had to do was sneak
in range, fire once or twice, and flee.
Leigh was having second thoughts.
"Come on
guys. This is stupid. Lets make the border and get outta
here!" Leigh argued.
"Tasmania
doesn't even have a border, you loser."
Richard said sarcastically.
"But,
um, maybe it's a good idea to . ." Leigh stuttered.
"Now,
lets spread out and keep on touch with our radios." Richard commanded.
He listened
in to the conversation between the three shadowy figures.
"..It's
to late. The police will be here
soon. Let's get"
". But if she gets away?."
".Let's
just do it. ."
Kyle didn't
understand what the conversation was getting at. But the guns told the story.
Kyle watched as they split up, and started walking around, heading for
the accident scene.
Richard was crouched behind a display of bread rolls, with only a
few meters to go before he would see the people, when a chill ran up his
spine. Suddenly something was gripping
on his throat, pulling him under. He
tried to pull of the thing, but in vain.
He got one took at the tentacle strangling him before he ran out of
oxygen.
There was no
reply. "Richard! Come in, you loser!"
A pang of fear
hit Leigh. He had always tried to keep
his brother out of trouble, but always knew that sometime the police would
catch up to them. He was now shivering
at the thought of a prison cell; the dark days would be a lot different to the
mansion they owned in Florida. The
thoughts were too painful for Leigh to bear, and he determined to get out of
Tasmania alive. He caught a glimpse of
someone moving around, near were he thought Richard should be, and headed in
that direction, hoping it was Richard.
Power was not restored yet, but the doors and windows at the front
of the supermarket let in a little light.
If Richard didn't come soon, Jesse would have to do the honors. Jesse had been eager to keep on Richards's
good books, because if he knew if he didn't, he'd be taken out. It might be a gunshot in the back, or some
poison in his food, but one way or another Jesse knew he would get the
chop. He was still planning how he was
going to tip the police off and collect the prize money for them without being
caught.
He knew, however, that if he put one
step out of line, he would pay the ultimate price. He had heard rumors of Richard and Leigh's hitman
"Shorty88". Apparently he had
killed over 20 of the Woolfe's enemies, and was more than happy to do it again.
Jesse had already seen one of his
co-workers disappear. Mel had been
hired out by Richard, under the impression that he was just another filthy rich
businessman. She worked in the Florida
mansion for a little while, before she found a few business documents in
Richards's pocket. After she had
learned the truth, it was only a matter of hours before she was in a
trashcan. Jesse didn't want to end up
like that! All he knew he had to do was
arrange a drop-off site with the police, get a few million in a suitcase, leave
a map with the Woolfe's address on it, and make for Asia.
"I'm in position." Jesse said into the walkie-talkie.
Jesse sat and waited for further
orders, not wondering why Richard had not answered.
Kyle
noted he would have to run through ten metres of open territory before he could
reach the body, grab the gun, and then sprint two metres to safety. It was an easy task for a fit young man with
no one shooting, but for Kyle the task seemed impossible. Kyle started walking back to the front of
the supermarket, head down in shame, when he felt a tinge of regret at what the
war had taken away from him. He had
lost his best mate Jimmy when the Viet Cong had attacked the village, named
Aroha, which they were assigned to protect.
He still remembered the ferocious gun
battle outside the village, when he thought like a hero, where Jimmy fell in a
pool of blood, and where the last shot the Conga fired slammed into his
leg. After that fight, he was shipped
back to Australia with the other injured men, when all he wanted to do stay and
protect the innocent Vietnamese villagers.
Now, all these years later, some people with guns had walked into a
supermarket, perhaps even to kill innocent people, and Kyle determined to stop
them.
"What have you done,
Richard?" Leigh asked nobody in
particular. Leigh had seen killing
before, in fact, more than his fare share.
It was nothing he wasn't used to, nothing that should make him afraid. But something about today bothered him. It was a sick feeling he had woken up with,
as if something bad was going to happen.
All of a sudden he looked back at all
the crime he had watched, all the money he had taken off those how needed it
the most, and the innocent lives that had been ruined to make him into a
millionaire. An idea ran through his
head. If he double-crossed Richard and
Jesse and got to America before the police forced Richard to tell them all
their hiding spots, he might just be able to get out of this mess he had made
hi life into. It would mean a life on
the run, but America was a big place, and he had friends in high places, and
enough money to bribe the police. All
of a sudden he turned, and walked out of the supermarket, headed for the Tarago.
"Who knows? Anyway, all I want at the moment is my
boyfriend and my mummy!" Kathryn
admitted.
"How sweet" Larnelle
said. "Anyway, we ripped off a lot
of lids just then, but we didn't find anything, so maybe there is nothing in
the cans after all."
"I can't believe that a whole
shelf would just fall over like that.
And far out, four people died under all that metal and food!" Amy seemed calm considering she had seen
half mutilated bodies being brought out into the open, with hankies over their
faces.
This was too much for Kathryn, however,
who sat down in the sub-darkness and started to cry once more.
"Life is so short." She sobbed uncontrollably "You don't think about it, but you
could be here one minute and gone the next!
These people were here yesterday, but today they're not!" She wept so hard now that she couldn't talk.
Larnelle was the first to break the
uneasy silence. "What do you guys
think happens when you die? I mean, do
you go somewhere or just stop all together?" Larnelle asked curiously.
"Well, I believe in."Amy's
sentence was cut short by a sudden sound of a gun going off, and suddenly,
Kathryn, who had just lifted her head to listen to Amy, fell to the ground, as
if hit by a powerful force.
"What's the matter, Serg? Whu Flun Dung asked.
"Get to Woolworths in Park Street
now!" Fry yelled into the
phone. Sergeant Fry hated to ask Whu
Flun Dung to do jobs because he was so unreliable. He would spend all his time chatting up the women when he was
supposed to be doing tasks. Fry had a
personal grudge against Whu Flun Dung after he caught him trying to chat up his
wife Rachel. Fry liked giving the
harder jobs to Whu Flun Dung in the hope he would make a serious mistake, so he
could fire him.
"There's
been a major accident apparently. I
want you there, at the scene, in five minutes!" Fry yelled. "And
make sure you don't stuff this up!"
"Yes sir!" Whu Flung Dung answered.
Fry knew this job was too much for the
constable, so he got on the phone and rang up Constable Emma Kingsly, and
ordered her to the scene as well.
Even Amy burst into uncontrollable
tears, but Larnelle kept control.
"Did someone here a
shot?" Larnelle asked a group of
shoppers who had just walked in, who were wondering what was happening.
"I think so." Said a woman who was staring into space.
Larnelle went to where Kathryn fell,
and looked for where a gunman might hid.
In the darkness, he saw a hand behind a display, and headed in that
direction. He could here sirens outside
now, and some yelling outside, but Larnelle decided he was going to nail this
guy.
"What happened?" Ryan asked a man who was standing next to
the ice cream parlor.
"Don't know. Apparently a shelf fell down and killed a
few people, then someone got shot."
The man replied.
"Ok." Whu Flun rushed into the supermarket, and
should have started investigating the scene, but saw a pretty chick talking on
her mobile. He walked up to her and
started flirting; ignoring the dead bodies that needed to be photographed, the
witnesses that had to be questioned, and a gunman who had to be caught.
Kyle
had secured the gun, the person who had it looked extremely dead, he was not
breathing, and his pulse was nonexistent.
Kyle was considering his next option when a gunshot rang out. Kyle turned to where he had heard the noise,
and saw a man crumple to the ground, holding his gun. Kyle knew instantly the man was suffering from gun shock. In the training camp for the army, you where
taken out and forced to shot Kangaroo's, just so in battle you didn't freeze up
before or after your first shot. He had
seen members of the Cong standing, finger on the trigger, white as a ghost,
without the courage to pull back the trigger and blast off Jimmy's head. Kyle, who had already shot living things,
was not afraid to pull the trigger, and saved Jimmy.
Kyle
started walking over to the body, but slowly, because any fast motion might
scare the remaining criminal into shooting.
It took him a minute to walk to the body.
"Ahhhhh!" Yelled a voice. "It's the murderer!"
"Wait, its only me.' Kyle said down to the scared man, who was
looking at the body, who he took off, running into the open.
"Shoot! Shoot!" Yelled the
man.
Suddenly a police officer was aiming
his gun at him!
"Wait!" Yelled Kyle.
The first shot missed him by inches.
Suddenly he saw the gun shocked man
reaching for the gun again, and knew he had to do something. He dived forward, kicking him on the head
and knocking the gun away from him. The
Policeman still was shooting to kill.
"Don't shoot you loser!" Kyle yelled again, as he ducked for
cover. However, he was too late. Stopping the man from getting his gun had
delayed him a few seconds too much. He
felt a fierce pain in the leg that had caused him so much pain years ago, then
dropped to the ground.
Amy
and Larnelle, in their search for answers, remembered the suspicious cans did
not have ripable lids. They found a can
with a weird, almost octopus-like creature in it, with many long tentacles. They would have traced the cans to where
they originally can from, but the memory of their friend Kathryn was too
painful, and they stopped looking.
Jesse
came out of his shock, and was quick to dob in Richard and Leigh, but Richard
was dead and Leigh made it back to America, where he lived a life on the
run. Jesse was sentenced to 20 years
jail at the murder of Kathryn. James
was sent to jail for 3 years, not because of anything he had done, but because
the public wanted answers and he was the only one who seemed responsible. Tahi never made it to hospital, nor did the
three people in the car he ran into.
Eric
never got over Kathryn's death, he is still having counseling. Steve Vence was sadly missed by the world of
politics. Andrew and Matilda both died
of mysterious heart attacks a few hours after the events at the
supermarket. Shane Warne was reported
at the doctor for treatment of a stress related problem two days later. Kyle died on the way to hospital; the pain
was too much to bear. Fry fired Ryan
Whu Flun Dung, who ran off with Rachel behind his former bosses back.
The
only conclusion Amy and Larnelle reached was that those stupid cans caused all
the problems. Both of them quitted
their jobs at the supermarket, and both will never touch baked beans again.
Kyle Bassett,
2001