Terms and Conditions

        This website is not open to employees of ParalyticPenguins (inc) and members of their direct families. Competition closes 17/7/1986. Store in a cool, dry, climate. Batteries not included. Please remove shoes before entering. Members of the feline species are refused entry. Keep out of reach of children and cartoon characters. Take one three times a day. If swallowed quickly contact medical professional. If swallowed slowly, don't bother. Ride may have adverse effects on heart; those with heart conditions are advised against entry. May lead to cancer under extreme circumstances. Tests performed in controlled conditions. Styles and colours will vary from store to store. Warranty void if purchased. Example product only. Not a suitable substitute for chive and onion dip. Service scheduled after 15,000 miles or 12 months. Maximum tested supported weight is 23 grams. Do not spin dry. Yaks milk will curdle if left in sun for longer than a period of 30 years. Radiation has been proven to cause radiation poisoning. No animals were harmed terminally more than twice in the production of this website. Charge of call is $4.00. Cheaper from mobiles and pay phones. Water levels may change without notice. Limbless blind deaf mutes have right of passage. Terms and conditions apply. See in store for details. Induviduals with multiple spleens must sign an 'Induviduals with multiple spleens' nondisclosure form. Limit of three per person. Sale ends yesterday. Fat content may vary from content stated on package. Do not expose to direct sunlight. Will not protect body from gunfire. Contents will be hot after heating. May contain traces of chocolate cake. Walk, dont run. Or ride water buffalo. Impersonating a strawberry sundae strictly prohibited. All stunts are peformed by trained professionals. Wet paint before applying. Water and electricity mix better than water and oil. Caution: some sentences may have a tendancy to unexpectedly. Based on statistics provided by packets of cornflakes. Nine out of ten nutritionists recommend kids eat weetbix. One out of ten nutritionists has evidence proving weetbix are toxic. Waterproof to a depth of 14.56 metres. Keep to the left. Stay behind yellow line, and in front of green circle. Photo identification required for entry. Tresspassers prosecuted. Multiple offenders will recieve 'multiple offenders' bonus. Cucumbers are only charged half regular price for entry. These terms and conditions are not to be read under any circumstances. Any profanity used in this website is profane. Any induviduals not obeying rules will be asked for the time. Caution: Wet floors. Winners will be notified by mail, and their names will be published in last years edition of the 'ParalyticPenguins (inc) WINNERS' magazine. A bird in the hand is trusting. A rolling stone might hurt you if you get hit by it. If at first you don't succeed, don't.


These Terms and Conditions were stolen with permission from http://www.paralyticpenguins.tk/.