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'I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live
in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who
are apparently doing quite well for themselves.' - Jerry Garcia

'In my experience, telling someone to switch Unix shells for
ease of use is like telling him to switch cigarette brands for
his health.' - Chris Espinosa

'quis custodiet ipsos custodes?' [who will watch the watchmen?]
- Juvenal 'Satire VI'

'I have learned to use the word 'impossible' with the greatest
caution.' - Wernher von Braun

'Last night as I lay in bed looking at the stars I thought,
'Where the hell is the ceiling?'' - Chris Unger

'If Bill Gates had a nickel for every time Windows crashed...
Oh wait! He does!' - Greg Sutter

'I was sitting on a curb one day feeling all dejected, and a
little bird came along and said 'cheer up, it could be worse',
so I cheered up, and sure enough, things got worse.'
- Dan Shafer

'Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.'
- Jeff Pesis

'Don't be humble. You're not that great.' - Golda Meir

'Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the
first woman she meets and then teams up with three complete
stangers to kill again.'
- Marin Paper TV listing for 'The Wizard of Oz'

'When I *do* lose it, I'm going to make sure I do it in a post
office just to screw up the statistics.' - Kevin Kozicki

'Paranoia will get you through times of no enemies better than
enemies will get you through times of no paranoia.'
- Pete Granger

'SQL makes one feel like a 'traditional' housewife: it does a
lot of heavy work for you, and brings home the bacon, but you
gotta prepare to get screwed every so often.'
- Rob Earhart


'The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts
agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer
professionals. We cause accidents.' - Nathaniel Borenstein

'To generalize is to be an idiot.' - William Blake


'I felt something, a disturbance in the network, as if a million
Mac zealots cried out in horror and were suddenly silenced.'
- One Slashdot reader comments on Apple's switch to Intel


'There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income.'
- Will Rogers

'PowerPoint is a distraction. People use it when they don't know
what to say.' - Cristian Arcega

It is the duty of every patriot to hate his country creatively.
- Lawrence Durrell

'Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus
handicapped.' - Elbert Hubbard

'Guns don't kill people. The Government does.' - Dale Gribble

I don't do drugs anymore because I find I can get the same
effect just by standing up really fast. - seen on the web

I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them
get elected. - seen on the web

'Please excuse me from work yesterday due to a vision problem.
I just couldn't see myself coming to work.' - seen on the web

'Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?
I think that is how dogs spend their lives.' - Sue Murphy

'The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from
the government and I'm here to help.' - Ronald Reagan

'I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the
afternoon.' - Ronald Reagan

'They say hard work never hurt anybody, but I figure why take
the chance.' - Ronald Reagan

'Facts are stupid things.' - Ronald Reagan (attempting to quote
John Adams, who said 'Facts are stubborn things.')

'What luck for rulers, that men do not think.' -Adolf Hitler

'He that hath no sword, let him sell his garment and buy one.'
- Jesus Christ, Luke 22:36

'...quemadmodum gladius neminem occidit, occidentis telum est.'
[...a sword never kills anybody; it's a tool in the killer's
hand.]
- (Lucius Annaeus) Seneca 'the Younger' (ca. 4 BC-65 AD),
Letters to Lucilius on Morals, Letter 87, c.63-65 AD

'If you're not making anybody mad you're not getting anything
done.' - Col. Paul McNicol, USMC

'A good conspiracy is unprovable. I mean, if you can prove it,
it means they screwed up somewhere along the line.'
- Jerry Fletcher ('Conspiracy Theory')

'Experience is a comb which nature gives us when we are bald.'
- Chinese Proverb

'A gentleman never insults anyone unintentionally.'
- Oscar Wilde, in conversation

'The worse thing in this world, next to anarchy, is government.'
- Henry Ward Beecher, 'Proverbs from Plymouth Pulpit,' 1887

'Idleness, like kisses, to be sweet must be stolen.'
- Jerome K. Jerome, 'The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow,' 1889

'Assassination: the extreme form of censorship.'
- G. B. Shaw, 'The Rejected Statement'

'Armies under the control of ... a sovereign State cannot bring
freedom to anyone.' - Simone Weil, 'Ecrits historiques...'
+

'I cannot afford to waste my time making money.'
- Louis Agassiz, declining an offer to teach

'Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three
major categories -- those that don't work, those that break down
and those that get lost.'
- Russell Baker, 'New York Times,' June 18, 1968

'Sanity is madness put to good uses.'
- George Santayana, 'Little Essays'

'A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it
is absolutely fatal.' - Oscar Wilde, 'The Critic as Artist' 1890

'Space isn't remote at all. It's only an hour's drive away if
your car could go straight upwards.'
- Sir Fred Hoyle, 'London Observer,' 1979

'It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand.
I beat people up.'
- Muhammad Ali, 'New York Times,' April 6, 1977

'Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from
giving evidence of the fact.'
- George Eliot, 'Impressions of Theophrastus Such,' 1879

'Tis better to know useless things than to know nothing at all.
- Seneca, 'Epistles,' c. A.D. 50

'All heiresses are beautiful.'
- John Dryden, 'King Arthur,' 1691

'An intelligent woman is a woman with whom one can be as stupid
as one wants.'
- Paul Valéry, 'Mauvaises pensées et autres,' 1941

'A writer is somebody for whom writing is more difficult than it
is for other people.'
- Thomas Mann, 'Essays of Three Decades,' 1947

Wasting one's youth is better than doing nothing at all with it.
- Georges Courteline, 'Philosophie,' 1917

A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his
government. - Edward Abbey

'AC/DC has lived the dumbness that the Ramones have only faked
all these years.' -Chuck Eddy

'She is achingly pretty, the kind of woman that you want to take
care of for the rest of her life for a few years.'
- Alan of http://www.heinovision.com

'If you have trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to
show you how it's done.' - Scott Adams

'A professional is a man who can do his job when he doesn't
feel like it; an amateur is one who can't [do his job] when he
does feel like it.'
- James Agate, 'Ego'

Alcohol is your enemy. The bible says: Love thy enemy.
- Graffito - Helsinki, 1970

'Open Source': adj. software developed by a loose confederation
of drunken graduate students under the mistaken belief that
their work is actually worth something to someone.
- Alex Rosenberg

'Unix gives you just enough rope to hang yourself -- and then a
couple of more feet, just to be sure.' - Eric Allman

I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't
intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
- Neil Armstrong

'Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms should be the name of a store,
not a government agency.' - seen on http://www.kimdutoit.com/

'Never believe anything until it's officially denied.'
- Margaret Atwood

'Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime
rates in the country.' - Marion Barry

'A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a
nice person.' - Dave Barry

'Remember that whenever you see a beautiful, single girl,
somewhere there's a guy who's glad to be rid of her.'
- bumper sticker

'Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of
denying himself a pleasure.' - Ambrose Bierce

'I wonder how much it would cost to develop a perl script to do
the same thing? Perl programmers can make something like $75 an
hour, so I bet the cost would be somewhere between five and ten
bucks.' - Alan Bostick

'Unlike the phone system, the Internet has no Ma Bell or FCC to
mandate new policies for the entire system. Not even Microsoft
can make us all upgrade our routers. I think.' - Paul Boutin

'The way to deal with bureaucrats is with stealth and sudden
violence.' - UN Secretary General Boutros Boutros-Ghali

'For something that does not exist, the Internet Engineering
Task Force has had quite an impact.' - Scott Bradner

My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating.
- Ashleigh Brilliant

'I would like to take you seriously but to do so would affront
your intelligence.' - William F. Buckley, Jr.

'We are here to drink beer ... and live our lives so well that
Death will tremble to take us.' - Charles Bukowski

'Death is just nature's way of telling you, 'Hey, you're not
alive anymore.'' - Bull Shannon 'Night Court'

'It's not denial... I'm just very selective about the reality I
accept.' - Calvin, 'Calvin & Hobbes'


May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. - George Carlin

'If you're not going to kill me, I have things to do.' - Darkman

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. - Dean Martin

'Democracy! Whiskey! And sexy!' - response of a man in Najaf, Iraq when asked what he hoped America would bring to Iraq with the overthrow of Saddam Hussein

'I don't practice what I preach, because I'm not the kind of person I'm preaching to.' - J.R. 'Bob' Dobbs

'Beware the fury of a patient man.' - John Dryden, 'Absolam and Achitophel', 1680

'I am Dyslexic, of Brog. Fesistence is rutile. You will be assissitated.' - Peter Chang

'There ain't no rules around here. We're trying to accomplish something.' - Thomas Edison

'The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.' - Harlan Ellison

'The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization.' - Ralph Waldo Emerson

'I hate quotations.' - Ralph Waldo Emerson

When everyone is out to get you, paranoia is only good thinking. - Dr. Johnny Fever

'I'd hate to die twice. It's so boring.' - Richard Feynman's last words

'You appeal to a small, select group of confused people.' - Fortune cookie

'Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.' - Redd Foxx

'The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.' - R. Buckminster Fuller

I do believe that where there is a choice only between cowardice and violence, I would advise violence. - Mahatma Gandhi

To me, cheating just means you care about winning. -Red Green

Only through hard work and perseverance can one truly suffer. - Cookie

'Music played at weddings always reminds me of the music played for soldiers before they go into battle.' - Heinrich Heine

'Actually, I have no regard for money. Aside from its purchasing power, it's completely useless as far as I'm concerned.' - Alfred Hitchcock

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people. - F. M. Hubbard

'Insurance is no substitute for a good alarm system and a twelve-guage shotgun.' - Victor Isbecki (Cagney & Lacey)

the good thing about true hopelessness is that you don't have to try again. - Jamie Zawinski

'If you can keep your head when those about you are losing theirs, perhaps you've misunderstood the situation.' - graffito

'Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.' - John F. Kennedy

'Never look on the bright side. The glare is blinding.' - Florence King

'At first glance, there's a lot of sex on the Internet. Or not at first glance: Nobody can find anything on the Internet at first glance.' - Senator Patrick Leahy

One hundred thousand lemmings can't be wrong. - Graffito

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. - seen on the net

People who say that money can't buy happiness are just no good at shopping. - Brian Micklethwait

'Anybody who says 'violence never solved anything' hasn't properly applied it.' - Tim Mitchell

'We already did this function.' - Apple MPW C Compiler

'Too many errors on one line (make fewer).' - Apple MPW C Compiler

'This struct already has a perfectly good definition.' - Apple MPW C Compiler

'...And the lord said, 'lo, there shall only be case or default labels inside a switch statement.'' - Apple MPW C Compiler

'A typedef name was a complete surprise to me at this point in your program.' - Apple's MPW C Compiler

'There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home.' - Ken Olson, President, Digital Equipment, 1977

'I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me.' - General George S. Patton

'Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.' - Pablo Picasso

'Do not adjust your mind -- there is a fault in reality.' - Graffito, Balliol College, Oxford University, 1972

'Never miss a good opportunity to shut up.' - Will Rogers

'Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion.' - Norman Schwartzkopf

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

'I AM the supreme being, I'm not entirely dim.' -Time Bandits

'I consider exercise vulgar. It makes people smell.' - Alec Yuill Thornton

Rock and roll never sleeps. It just passes out. -George Thorogood

'Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.' - Mark Twain

'It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.' - Voltaire

'If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal.' - unknown

'Life is tough. Life is tougher if you're stupid.' - John Wayne

'Always forgive your enemies -- nothing annoys them so much.' - Oscar Wilde

'The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.' - William Butler Yeats

'Kissing is a means of getting two people so close together that they can't see anything wrong with each other.' - René Yasenek

I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying 'You're next'. They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals. - scirDSL <http://www.bash.org/?83627>

Zenophobia: the irrational fear of convergent sequences.

'The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?' - <xterm>

[my programs don't have bugs, just randomly added features]
[failure is not an option, it comes bundled with windows!]