Subject: Fw: Absolute genius
Hello, my name is none of your business. I am suffering from seven
rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, fear of being
mauled by squirrels, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion chain
letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them
on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a potato growing
of her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed
before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak show. Do
you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone
you send "his" email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here if
I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll meet the girl (or guy) of
my dreams tomorrow. What a bunch of junk. So basically, this message is
directed to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than
to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil letter
leprechauns will come into my house and write "I'm a moron" on my
permanent marker in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was
started by a knight of the round table and was brought to this country
midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000,
it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous
streak of blatant stupidity. If you're going to forward something, at
send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of
your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being
will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards
about 90 times. It's getting old. Show a little intelligence and think
about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards.
are it's your own unpopularity.
THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS: Chain Letter Type #1
Make a wish
No, really, go on and make one
Oh please, they'll never go out with you
Wish something else
No, I'm sorry, we're out of ponies at the time being
Have you forgotten why you're scrolling yet?
Wasn't that fun? :) Hope you made a great wish :)
Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if
you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be
kidnapped by ninja elves and thrown off a high building into a pile of
manure. It's true Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake
ones, THIS one is TRUE. Really.
Here's how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be annoyed with you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be annoyed with you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be annoyed with you for
sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.
*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be annoyed with you
for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house.
Thanks. Good Luck!
Chain Letter Type #2 Hello, and thank you for reading this
see there is a
starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no
no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved,
because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to
Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from
Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the
sent and this is all a complete load of junk. So go on, reach out. Send
this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you
accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks
Chain Letter Type #3: Hi there! This chain letter has been in
existence since 1897. This
is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably
not as many email addicts with nothing better to do. So this is how it
1. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something
horrible will happen to you like:
*Bizarre Horror Story* #1 Miranda Pinsley was walking home from
school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored
She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was
gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poop, and went flying out over a
waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died too. This Could
*Bizarre Horror Story* #2 Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a
chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day he was crushed
an anvil that was dropped by a plane that just happened to be flying
directly above him. This Could Happen To You Too!!
2. Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send
this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.
Chain Letter Type 4: As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote.
it to every one
of your friends.
Friends Blah, Blah, Blah, Friends, Blah, Blah, Blah. A
not someone who sends you chain letters because he
wants his wish of being rich to come true.
Now pass this on. If you don't, no one will like you for as long as
you live. I mean it, as long as you live.
The point being?
*If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you
friendless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.
*If it's funny, send it on. Don't annoy people by making them feel
guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a
dead elephant for 27 years, whose only chance of living is the 5 cents
per letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end
up like Miranda. Right?
******Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll find
all your socks missing tomorrow morning.
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